kate_4d

I feel like writing, but not writing. So I'm writing and maybe ill get somewhere.

Last weekend i got to spend it with Andrew. It was very nice. I stayed at his house Saturday night. It was strange and extremely nice to wake up and see him in the morning. I felt like i was married for just a little while. I couldn't help but wonder if that's what its like.

It was calming and easy. I felt completely comfortable to wake up so someone leaning over, close to me, and saying ‘good morning sunshine, did you sleep well?’ He woke me like that after his shower, with a little kiss. We talked while he got dressed to go to work for a few hours. He laughed and told me i looked adorable all curled up in bed.

Is it that easy? Is that how it feels? It felt so right to me, it made me wonder if I'd be experiencing the same thing in a year, in ten years, maybe forever. It kind of made me feel like that's really what I'd want too.

He makes me happy. Even when I'm down, or not so okay, he’s there holding me up. He told me that i do the same for him. That I'm what keeps him going some days, just like he’s been what has kept me going.

He’s met my Mom now, and she likes him. Which, is crazy. She is hard to please, and lately has been hating everyone. She’s slowly turned into one of those women who find fault in everything and everyone. I’ve obviously met his family, and we all get along. I have his mom and sister added on facebook even. I’m feeling like I'm a part of a real family. its strange, and nice. I partially don't know what to do with myself.

I didn't think I'd find something that just would work so simply. We’ve just fit together. Our lives are just blending, and it seems like without effort.

My life is feeling like home. I'm secretly waiting for something to go horribly wrong.

I've now got the new LiveJournal Messenger. My Windows Live ID is kate_4d@livejournal.com. Sign up now and we can chat!

I hope that I'll be forgiven for my absence, and perhaps a continuing absence. I don't know, but I've just not been up to it. I'm trying to shake it... really I am. I've been so so lazy, its not even funny. I've actually had several posts ready and waiting, and never bothered to post them. One for sure is more of a rant on my life and is probably too personal to post it up-- it might make Internet air waves eventually. Though I've not been posting myself, I have been reading. Always. Sometimes I just feel the need to recede into the walls, and blend in while watching other peoples lives happen.

I've discoved a site a little while ago, which I guess is probably a lot like Twitter... but different? I don't really know, I have never even gone to the Twitter site ( I feel like I already have too many little networking sites that I just don't update, and mostly run away from).  Anyway, it's called Tumblr. Which I enjoy because you can place a little bookmark in your fav's and click it anytime you're on a page and you want to share something. Mine can be found here ; www.mryddin.tumblr.com/ , or if you prefer the feed... feed://mryddin.tumblr.com/rss . I'm going to try to use it more often. I tend to find things, like pictures, or videos etc that I like, and think its a great place to share. Plus you can post your own content, just like a regular blog. Well that's that.

 

Art Work: I did a drawing last night, which I really liked. I sat and stared at it for a while, then just went to bed. It was done in pen, so naturally I thought it really wasn't going to go anywhere. Today, I threw it into Photoshop and started to monkey around. I knew for sure that I did not want to redraw it--or rather digital ink it--because it always comes out clean, and is a lot of work. I was not interested in work today, that's for sure. So after some playing, and tinting (that's what I'm calling this 'style' because there really isn't colouring involved, or painting) I came out with this:

I really love it. All its sketchiness, and grittiness is still intact, but has been shaded. I know the physical proportions are not perfect, but I still like it. I think I've found a new style folks. 

 

Books: I've been reading like a maniac lately. I bought the collectors edition of The Tales of Beedle the Bard, as I posted about back in July. It arrived just after it's release date. If you love this series, and are willing to donate to charity, buy it, buy it, buy it! It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. It truly feels like you're holding an actual wizarding book. If you're not that into it, and the cash to buy it is insane, then buy the standard edition. It's super cheap (some people spend more on a coffee!!!), the money goes to charity, and its filled with wonderful traditional fairy tales [very Brothers Grimm], and a commentary on them by Dumbledore!

I'm also reading Harry, A History, by Melissa Anelli. It's about her journey in the Potter-verse/fandom/hysteria. So far its been a fantastic read and if you're even mildly interested in the crazy ass pop culture phenomenon of Harry Potter, its worth a read.

Also, I just bought Neil Gaiman's American Gods. So far, I'm completely addicted. I love his writing--so much so that I was shocked by a plot point that is clearly explained on the back of the book (really.. I was THAT sucked into it!)--and can't wait to get my hands on more of his books. I just wish I'd known about him years ago!

 

Life: I will never understand how the University of Toronto operates. Yes, its a good school... one of the best there are. But they are the most ass backward place I've ever had to deal with. The administrative...no the administration are effing nuts! Since the very beginning of my journey to getting a degree I constantly hit road blocks. Nothing massive, but always annoying. They were always, ALWAYS caused by one department/person, not knowing wtf is going on somewhere else. One person tells you to take this credit, and yet the 'credit guidance' says not to... the rules changed constantly. What really got me was the application and fee for my diploma. Oh yes people, paying for a piece of paper.In my opinion my stupidly high tuition should have paid for that piece of paper. UofT says no.... ok fine. I'll fill out your stupid form, and send you money for it. My problem was this though... I am suppose to also get a Sheridan College diploma (as I graduated from a joint program). I received in the mail... a UofT diploma! Naturally I was pissed off and very confused. So, I e-mailed a friend who had graduated in June about it. She told me she got both of her's at the same time, same package...[wtf right?] BUT she knew our other friend had the same problem as I did, and I should contact Diane Janzen [our program co-ordinator]. Now, I was totally annoyed. I contacted poor Diane, who is insanely busy and even more nice... she told me to just sit tight, Sheridan will just send it once they're printed. So now, I await my other diploma. Seriously, why can't an institution that is that big, has that many students actually run like a functional business? Don't they get paid enough money through the insane numbers of students attending each year? I have come to just one conclusion after everything, you really are just a number there.

 

Okay. I'm gonna stop writing there. I will write again soon. If you want to get into touch with me, seriously e-mail me (ford.katharine@gmail.com), Skype me (kate_4d), msn message me (kt4d_2000@hotmail.com) ... [I nudge and encourage you all to get skype... phone calls... free. (yes i know msn and most other messengers have a voice client =p)]

 

<3 Kate.

I'm taking a step into being serious about my work.



I decided that it is time. If there is something i've done that you'd like to buy please do! :) Also if there is something on my Deviantart that I haven't put up on Redbubble that you want to buy yet let me know and i'll do that. I plan on putting more on my Redbubble soon.

Or perhaps a commission.



Also, Redbubble is a pretty awesome community. There's more than just sales to it. If you like looking at art you can join so you can comment or if you like writing, they have a great writing community. Just a suggestion.

Sigh! I just handed in my last essay ever.
Now I'm going to have Gourmet Cake from Dufflet [ http://www.dufflet.com/flash.asp ] , a Giant cup of tea, and watch Hondo. Cake, Tea and John Wayne... can't go wrong there!

"Sometimes burdens look a lot like gifts"

Instant tears. It's how I feel a lot of the time. I just realized how much of a burden that's been, for so so long.

I love you guys, and I wanted to share with you. It really hasn't sunk in yet.

For me, like most artists i think, we all have a certain person or thing that we just find easy or relaxing to draw.
Mr. Gael Garcia Bernal seems to be that person for me. I can sit back pick out a picture, and just draw... hours go by before I'm finished and i don't even notice. He's good therapy.

 
http://kt4d.deviantart.com/art/Mini-GGB-84216768 

p.s how does one jump from 7000 pageviews on Da to 8,848 pageviews in only a few days... who pimped me ? lol

Im amazed i tell you. Things after a craptacular holiday are smoothing out. Somehow things seem really simple and easy right now. Give it time to be complicated again, i know!

After the holidays, ive been sort of blah. Not stupid giggly, not feeling happy, but i've been in that stupid emotional hole. No tears,smiles or laughs. It's not because im devistated by deaths, but rather just being around the meloncholic air of funerals and greiving family puts you there. Going back to school doesnt help this. It's not that the horrible dread of incoming essays and stress is looming, but because i refuse to lie. When someone asks me, in that cheery after christmas buzz "How was your holiday?!" I just cant say, "Oh, Fantastic!". To me that'd be like denying that two people in my family just died. So, it just brings it up, over and over. Which is hard for me. I think it is for anyone.

The said holidays did as usual affect me. It puts a perspective on things- what battles to fight, when patience should be lost, the people i want to spend time with, indulgences, what makes me happy, and a new direction for art. Influences come from the oddest places dont they. Ive promised myself that the art that i will be making in the coming months will be for me. It will be what i like, and not a peice that ive produced because i think it will be appropriate for the snobby art school. That means made up, fun, fantasy images full of things like flying ships, floating oil-lamp lit streets, dryads, ram horned people, infused into the modern world. Text backgrounds, washes of coffee, whited out areas inked on drawing, splotches of colour dribbling down the page colouring out of the lines that are suppose to constrain them.

In the mean time its the end of the first school week for me. I have Thursday and Friday off! Wooo hooo 4day weekend. So far my classes, though i will have lots of work, it looks like it will be fun, and interesting.

Also, i was browsing DA , and came across an artists work who i just might use for inspiration this coming term! http://sleetwealth.deviantart.com/

Newest doodle:


All Crayon, all the time! ;)
- Huge reception on DA.
- I need to get a better picture of it.
- Must do more!

Well it looks much different in person, clearly. Let me know if you would prefer a different one if you dont like this.['cause im not sure i like it lol] No problemos there. I changed the direction of his eyes to look at the viewer! 
ooo, Or would you rather one thats ink?

Okay so thats the first 10min, ill have to work on putting the rest of it up..somehow.

So i've decided that Watercolour, and Watercolour pencils are infact my newest bestest friends in the whole world. They're fantastic, and they're nice to me too! I can do just about anything with them, which means many a day to come of escaping into art land. Art land is safe, there are no jerks there, nothing devastating there, and no conflicts that i cant handle. 

[ps. im totally annoyed this is attempt 3 at getting this thing to post properly]
Elton WIP by ~kt4d on deviantART
In other news:
+ Standing up for the right thing didn't seem to matter, she's back home. C'est la vie.
+ School starts soon so that means my to do list is just getting longer:
- Check OSAP
- Get new TCard
- Get bus pass
- Get free planner/agenda
- Sign up for cubicle at Sheridan
- Check for TA positions
- get text books when have the money
- Drop off insurance forms
- Re-organize: room/clothes/bathroom etc
- Book Dentist appointment for reading week, full comphrensive X-Rays and Extra cleaning/scaling one appointment.

Last nights Moon was amazing and gorgeous, and was also the first tme i've managed to get a decent picture of the moon...EVER. A little fiddling with my camera and TA DA!

http://kate4d.multiply.com/photos/photo/1/26 Click the link, it i beleive gets bigger!
We had the telescope out too. Couldn't help it, when a moon is as bright as it was, you just gotta look! Sometimes i think i could sit out all night, just looking at the moon. And the sky.

I have to say i love living here so much, we are blessed with really beautiful skies. http://kate4d.multiply.com/photos/photo/1/21
Beautiful isn't it? Im starting to have a bit of an obsession with nature, or rather being outside. I cant stand bugs and the like. But i like the connection to the world you get when you sit outside alone, without music or anything else.

I've also been doing some doodling which i've linked up here http://kt4d.deviantart.com/journal/14378302/ , it more DA appropriate anyway!

I've been doing a lot of thinking too. I wont go into it, im sure it'd be about book length if i did. Thoughts of things about humans,and the human condition. Why can't people control their anger, negativity and how much i hate it, why do some people always have to be right, and why can't some people have a conversation with an opinion, without it becoming a fight [fight for power, strenght and dominance]. We're just all animals aren't we?

Nature Loves You : If you will recognise it.

It's official! Im done school for the summer! I wrote my last exam for the summer today! Wooo hooo. Im totally tired, and need to sleep for a good 24 hours straight! That will come later.
As soon as i got home from my exam today,i decided to celebrate by drawing! So i picked out a picture of the gorgeous Paolo, who's music got me through studing. Sketched it out. I mean sketch, no fancy perfect shading here!



Im so excited to be done man!

As i promised in another entry.. my drawing, which i like but struggled with because of the stupid hair colour. Unfortuneately the scanner ate a lot of the detail in the hair. Oh well!

Since my scanner is being such a jerk
If You Existed Detail Spread by ~kt4d on deviantART

Good GOD i love Deviantart.com .. I just stumbled onto this one artist.. holy shit she's amazing !! LOOK!! Coffee.. she paints with Coffee.!! I soooo need to try it!

Revolver-Let it be by ~Bobsmade on deviantART

I just thought i'd share before i need to make myself fall asleep. 

+ Dibs - if you haven't tried them yet.DO IT! Little icecreams in the form of bite size chocolates! 
+ Watercolour Pencils - newest art love. They totally just make it easy, soft , rich and lovely.
+ Vegetable thins- ive been living off them all week.
+ Tea - it makes me feel better no matter what. Its probably one of my most loved things in the world.
+ Music- listening to a song you've not listened to in a long time, and remembering why you loved it. 
+ Rain - I absolutely love sitting out in it, the sounds, the smell , the worse the storm the better. Im the fool drenched in the hammock.
+ Home- Im not many days away from getting to go home to St. Kitts for about a month. I can't wait. Im finally at ease at home. 
+ The Pups- I miss them so much. I think i need to go home more. It's getting harder and harder to be away from them.
+ Sleep - being completely comfortable, waking up to sun in your eyes wrapped in blankets and a dream drifting away.

I should be working on an assignment, but i just keep on getting distracted. Must work! Ahh.
I had a really weird dream last night, well more like this morning. Wasn't scary or anything, i say weird because i dont normally remember my dreams. A few of you were there though.. so strange for me.

Here is what my procrastination has created this time...
Bowie by ~kt4d on deviantART